I Don’t Want Your Candles!


Is it the warm weather? Or maybe it is the bad economy? Or maybe it is just my poor assortment of Facebook friends taking over my Newsfeed. #hidepost

But DANG YA’ll. ENOUGH with the scented candles, costume jewelry, woven baskets, and makeup that I would rather buy at Sephora…

First, let me back up… if you are a promoter of these overpriced items sold via parties and the internet, please do not take offense. I get it, times are tough, selling SEEMS easy, and believe it or not I have a few items for sale myself… Granted these items are one of kind, made by me, and only available from me, but still… I understand how hard it can be to make a few dollars doing something you love. But really, you LOVE selling overpriced shit to strangers?? Maybe you do, and maybe I’m the ‘scent-less’ one here. (See what I did there, ‘scent-cy’, ‘scent-less’ get it??) Anyway, dear seller, there is a chance that I really like you as a person…I am just really, REALLY tired of your goodies invading my Facebook, email, and pocketbook. No, I’d rather not buy a candle. I do not wish to be a host, I do not like green eggs and toast!

Second, if you are my friend and thinking of inviting me to one if these parties, go ahead, I may even attend. But please, do note, if it were my choice I’d rather you not spend a week cleaning your house and recreating Pinterest catastrophes just so I can pretend to be totally into the latest fad that you clearly got suckered into having a party for. Let’s just drink some wine in your backyard and call it a day. It is very, very likely that I LOVE hanging out with you, I just have better things to spend my money on (ie. food, water, netflix, large underpriced candles, cheap unique jewelry, and real makeup).

I remember this phenomena beginning in my early childhood. I remember my mom, with a defeated voice telling me she had ‘another basket party’ to attend. She would say she wanted to see her friends, and I would think, so why not just call them up and hang out??

Now, as an adult, I can at least understand that it can be difficult to schedule a hang out with girlfriends. There are husbands, and jobs, and babies to juggle… But even still, does this mean that we should throw our money into the latest item trending on social media??

First it was the kitchen parties (full disclosure: I liked the kitchen parties) the items are not quite as useless, but still… Overpriced excuses to hang out. I just can’t wrap my head around it. Then came the sex-toy parties, really guys? (I mean girls) really? No one wants to order a sex-toy from your kitchen table, no one. Then the tables turned, and rather than needing a sex-toy, you could get a man with the latest lip gloss, zit cover, and/or wrinkle blurring cream. Puh-lease! Like I said, I like Sephora, where I can shop on my own terms, try it on, and even leave without purchasing. Then, worst of all, the jewelry parties. Maybe this one is the worst, because it is actually the best (most popular anyway…) It seems that a large faction of people sincerely enjoy this stuff. Call me crazy, but I’d rather not spend $78 to wear the same tiny necklace as my BFF. Enough already, Sephora, Lia Sophia, Stella and Dot, the list goes on and on. Which makes it seem like there is a big variety, but noooo, you still end up with the same necklace as Julie, Kate, and Sue because it is the only one you could all afford without over-drafting your bank account. And now… CANDLES, Really… CANDLES!?! As if a Yankee Candle fundraiser a wasn’t enough, now you expect me to buy this and not even support our local school?

Please friends, let’s just spend our money eating good food and drinking good wine. And if you feel like you need to make some extra cash by selling the latest trend, think back to how much money you could have saved it you weren’t guilt tripped into buying that $40 candle, $78 necklace, $15 lipgloss, $45 cheese grater, and $400 basket.

Just think about it.


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